As I woke up this morning with my husband long gone deer hunting I saw snow on the ground and a messy house. I look at Lyndin who is up smiling and ready to start the day, but I guarantee that her idea of fun is not laundry and house cleaning. My anxiety heighten and my stress level soars as I wonder how I am going to get this done. Instantly I feel like a mom failure as I can't handle it all.
I have struggled with depression most of my life and still actively do and after having Lyndin my depression added on anxiety and it is a whole new ballgame. When we were pregnant Will had all these ideas of what being a father would be like, how fun and easy it would be. I on the other hand knew I would be doing most of it alone, but I never realized how hard it would be. Don't get me wrong, Will is a great father when he is here. The times he is not here is a struggle.
As I sit here on a Sunday I am somewhat resentful that Will is out doing something he loves, having a hobby isn't something I have been able to do since Lyndin was born. Hell I even have to find a babysitter on the Saturday mornings I work. I just wish he would understand how much we give up to be a mom and how little they sacrifice.
So here is to another day of wishing I could get the house clean but instead I will do whatever it takes to make Lyndin happy and pickup what I can.
You totally are not a failure!! Look at that beautiful little girl!!! It must be the weather! I had a lot of anxiety today too and no help from kids that CAN help! All I can say is MEN..we love them but hate them some days! You are doing a graat job with Lyndin! If the roads weren't so bad I would come steal her! Enjoy the little things in life for one day they will become big things or whatever my sign says in the playroom! Come this Winter hop in the tanning bed for 10 min to help the anxiety and depression! It is awesome therapy! Love you guys!!!
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